Only in China

I think the first time I came to Beijing was when I was 6, and since then, I’ve come back almost every other year, and everytime after the first or 2nd Beijing is always drastically different from what I remember. The change doesn’t feel as big since I came back for the Olympics, but that’s probly b/c China was like my family when we have asian dinner parties…cleaning the house, hiding crap in closets, corners, rarely used rooms, you get the point. China got super modern (compared to years past, still far from the west) and nice for the Olympics, and then as soon as it was over, it became a mess again.

Anyways, I met this black dude from the US playing bball a few weeks ago and he pointed out that even though China does feel a lot more modern (I think largely b/c of the Mcdonalds/KFCs/malls on every corner), there’s something weird about it that makes it still China of old. I couldn’t figure it out, but things happen that make me think, only in China. Anyways, here are the possible explanations for why Beijing is pseudo-modern. I should note that there maybe some rather graphic pictures in this post--this is your warning haha

1. The people still act Chinese. Everywhere. Literally.
Obviously Chinese people are going to act Chinese, but I feel like that there are certain behaviors that people associate with Chinese people immediately. Like the Chinese Squat for one…to be honest, I actually haven’t noticed this, but maybe it’s because I’ve become so accustomed to it that I don’t even think, oh what a weird squatter. I do feel like compared to years past, more people in Beijing stand instead of squat at the bus/subway stop.

The other is what the fat Chinese man does when he eats outside and has either ate too much or ate something that was too hot (either spicy or in temp) that makes him feel hot/sweaty. At home, my dad would just take off his shirt, but I guess that’s a little too (I cant think of any word right now except for 野蛮)hickish/socially unacceptable/would make people think you’re too poor/are a construction worker, so instead you just roll your shirt up until it sits on your giant pot belly nice and high so you can cool yourself down a little.

Don’t believe me? I took this picture with my phone (kind of stealthily over my shoulder) at HaiDiLaoHuoGuo (one of the nicest hot pot places in Beijing) when I had dinner with the the CTO of Sony Ericsson China (and our old neighbor, but that just sounds cooler haha).



And it’s not just the old fat Chinese men that make me think, only in China. It’s the kids too, particularly the little ones peeing (public pooping not so common) everywhere, anywhere, and anytime. I have yet to witness such a scene in a public indoor location, but outdoors? Please, when your kid says she has to pee, and you decided your kid was too cool for clothes that already have a giant tear in them (开裆裤 kaidangku), just pick her up, carry her to the nearest tree and let em pee away. Of course, if you didn’t care that you just bought your kid pants with a giant hole in them, your kid is a big kid now, but in a slightly more environmentally friendly way. Take that Huggies! Look at how convenient that is and how minimizes the waste to the natural stuff.

SEE. I'M A BIG KID NOW.












2. English in China is still ehh.
Aside from the subway instructions, which were prepared for the Olympics, you still sign awkwardly translated signs.
From the gym in my neighborhood where I do rehab stuff:


At this huge mall by the shuangjin subway stop…not a big typo, but I like how one letter makes a difference haha




3. Google not in China anymore => bad English names?
Maybe it’s because Google left China so Chinese people can’t search what is a normal American name before naming theirselves. I don’t know, but for the past week, I’ve been trying to find an assistant for my boss and I’ve received resumes from a guy named Panda (the week before this, I interviewed a girl named Panda), and a resume from a guy named Alison…

I don’t know what it is with Chinese people and pandas. My colleague says it’s because Chinese people treasure pandas and consider them to be precious things, which is why they give them as diplomatic presents…It’s good to know this because when I say I want to be a panda, it means that I wish I could just be fat and lazy and eat and sleep all day.

I hope next week I’ll meet somebody who named themselves after a pokemon.